We have this inside joke about our lawyer (who, it turns out, reads this blog). He’s famous for saying, “Well, I’m no <fill in the blank>, but I think, yada, yada, yada.” The blank is often filled in with words like “accountant”, “marketing expert”, and “large animal veterinarian”.

In any event, I’ll take a page from his book and say I’m no lawyer, but with Sony’s recent announcement that they’re joining the other big three labels in selling DRM-free content on Amazon’s nifty MP3 store, and in the face of Universal Music’s chief Doug Morris’ public assertion of his intent to create an alternative to Apple’s iTunes by allow others, but not Apple, sell DRM-free content, and with nobody but industry-leader EMI currently allowing Apple to remove the DRM, it all sounds an awful lot like collusion. Unfair business practices, at least.

If I was Steve Jobs, I’d sic my pack of legal Dobermans on the lot of them. Of course, if I was Steve Jobs, I’d spend most of my time flying around in my private jet playing Xbox and wouldn’t have time to bother with any of this crap.

Three weeks ago, I decided to become a Vikings fan. Yes, that’s right – I decided. What I really wanted was the lifestyle – that three hours a week where I could sit in front of the TV with no interruptions, have a snack (and a beverage) and focus on something that is so important that everyone I know supports my decision. I’ve found that “Sorry, the game is on…. ” is actually OK to say! So, my first task (according to my brother) was to pick a team. As a true Minnesotan I thought the most logical choice was the Vikings. My second task a fan was to find a Vikings blog. I needed to find my community. You know… my fellow fans. Well, after stumbling upon a few guys that had a lot to say, (much of which was R rated) I needed to find something cleaner since I had a 10 year old peeking over my shoulder. I found this one: The Viking Age

I thought for sure this would be my place. I check it before games, look for up to date game commentary during the games, and even give my two cents now and then. It’s Thursday and I’m wondering what are they saying about Sunday’s game against the 49ers? NOTHING. The last post is Dec. 3rd. Come on guys. Don’t you care?! I might just have to start my own Vikings blog…

Just to prove that money can’t buy branding sense, two examples from Microsoft:

• IE.Next
  Apparently, IE 8 is going to be called IE.Next. Question: What’s the version after 8 going to be called? IE.After.Next? Next.IE.Next? IE.360? Maybe the guy responsible figures he’ll have been promoted by then and the problem will be for whatever schmuck comes after him.
• PlaysForSure
  Microsoft recently stiffed several “partner” companies — and at least twice as many consumers — when they set the world on fire with their Zune music player and its closed, incompatible, and (apparently) much more important (to Microsoft) DRM technology. Now, they’ve “rebranded” PlaysForSure as “Certified for Windows Vista”. I kid you not. It would be funny if it weren’t true. Even funnier is Nokia still releasing PFS devices.

Postscript: The “PlaysForSure” disaster should be a warning sign for the marketing kids at Microsoft. The cruel irony alone of using such a confident name (plays for sure…until it doesn’t) and then unceremoniously axing it should be enough to give them pause and consider the exit strategy of whatever new brand names they’re conjuring up.

Pardon this latest “if you’re a man of a certain age” moment, but Speed Racer looks like it’s going to rock.

The Eye-Fi, an amazing new SD card/Wi-Fi adapter for nearly any camera, appears to be so awesome I can hardly believe I haven’t already ordered one. Perhaps I’m hoping someone will drop it in my stocking about a month from now…

This is brilliant:

As part of a partnership to be announced Wednesday, [Google] will dispense driving directions at thousands of gasoline pumps across the country beginning early next month.

Nicely combines a man’s natural aversion to asking for directions with his inclination to use neat-o new gadgets (and all dipped in the testosterone-soaked moment of a man caring for his vehicle). It can’t lose.

From CNN

Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century

From the Washington Post:

Doris Lessing pulled up in a black cab where a media horde was waiting Thursday in front of her leafy north London home. Reporters opened the door and told her she had won the Nobel Prize for literature, to which she responded: “Oh Christ! … I couldn’t care less.”

She continues:

“I can’t say I’m overwhelmed with surprise,” Lessing said. “I’m 88 years old and they can’t give the Nobel to someone who’s dead, so I think they were probably thinking they’d probably better give it to me now before I’ve popped off.”

Well-known Smart Guy™ and head of Universal Music Doug Morris is apparently marshaling the troops (aka, other music labels) to defeat the evil iTunes. Is he advocating an expansion of the consumer-friendly trend towards DRM-free music? Nope. He’s trying to put together a new music store that offers subscription-based access to music that will not play on iPods.

This will fail for the following reasons:

1. It’s subscription based.
2. It won’t work with iPods.

No subscription model has worked yet in the music space (see Sony, Napster, and Microsoft’s attempts) and the iPod has a 70%+ share of the MP3 player market. So, failed business model plus incompatibility with everyone’s player equals…success? I guess it does to Doug Morris.

In the article I linked to above, Doug is quoted as saying (in reference to his original deal with Apple to place Universal’s content on the iTMS), “We got rolled like a bunch of puppies.” His definition of “rolled” is that he only gets 70% of the revenue each song generates, even though Universal has zero distribution costs. Personally, if getting 70% of anything involving the sale of over 3 billion things makes me a puppy, I’d be happy to chew a few slippers and get my tummy scratched.

More examples of the point made in the preceding post:

• Oasis and Jamiroquai will both follow Radiohead’s example and sell direct digital downloads at whatever price listeners are willing to pay.
• Madonna is apparently ditching Warner Bros. and moving into a ten year deal with a concert promoter to distribute her music and market her brand – a concert promoter with no vested interest in preserving the status quo. (BTW, Madonna will be in her 60s when this deal expires.)

Basically, the acts at the top and bottom of the music pyramid are moving in directions where traditional record labels (and traditional distribution models and media formats) have no role. Ten years ago – before the web permeated our lives, before the iPod, and before near-ubiquitous access to broadband – this would have been inconceivable.